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 The Process of Awakening.

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Ahki (Ki)

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Kin/Therio type : Weredog and Shaman
Age : 27
Location : New Jersey
Job/hobbies : Tattoo artist and Kennel Nurse
Join date : 2017-08-03

PostSubject: The Process of Awakening.    Tue 8 Aug 2017 - 12:42

I'm not sure what it was like for others, so please share your own experiences as well.

I had always assumed at first when I started this path that  therianthropy and wereism was whatever you felt drawn to. This can be partially true.
Then I assumed that therianthropy and wereism awakened in the same ways. And that when it happened it happened all at once. This was also partially true; but I never realized how long the process of awakening took.

Then I learned about three years ago that Shamanism was its own awakening process. I think, in entirety, it all took about 16 years. But now that I know what I know; I realize that the above statement is, probably, only partially true. I'm not fully awakened yet.

I first woke as a dog. Then later as a were. Shamanism didn't get serious until recently. I attributed a lot of my abilities to that of my wereism, but found that most were actually from Shamanism. The most telling, that I got confused with Dog medicine, was being able to tell what people "are.", Supernaturals pop out to me very vividly. The unawakened ones are a little harder to scry out.

Dog came from a severely deep meditation. It started with what I was seeing as a dog. I looked down and saw that my feet were spotted with little bits of white. I was running through a field, and almost  everything was very sepia colored, except for greens. The hay was gold and was tall enough that it came up to my shoulder. Someone called me and I turned around to see my owner. She was wearing a pink shirt. I remember because I thought the color was strange. She was a blonde haired heavy set women with blue eyes. I ran to her very excited. There were new cars in the driveway; they looked like 80's models. There's a black out period and I'm in the kitchen with the woman and several other family members who are visiting. Their scents are strange but I'm very excited, and pacing back and forth between family members.
There's another blacked phase, and I'm suddenly in a dark room with a bright light above me. Surrounded are four people dressed in surgery attire. I look over with my eyes, not able to move my head, and I see my owner by the door, crying. There's a male doctor with his hand on her shoulder. The first thought that came to my mind was "Why is she crying? We're going to see each other again. Kind of." This thought repeated. The woman working on getting an oxygen mask on my face said that the stats were dropping. Everything went white, and a feeling of unconditional love for my owner enveloped me.  I can't remember my reaction afterwards honestly. The meditation was more vivid than anything I had experienced, I assumed, and still do with some doubts, that possibly dog was a past incarnation for me. My mother's own therianthropy and my father's wereism strengthened that.



I had a feeling when I was 11 or 12 that I was a were. This thought arose only because of my liking for raw meat. But when I researched wereism on my passive aggressive windows 95, through the slowest browser in the world; netscape, I turned up that yes. Most children my age had a hankering for raw meat. We must all be werewolves. So I dismissed the idea promptly. Plus, full moons never made me shift, so it wasnt possible. Fast forward ten years and it comes up in my life again. "I'm different" but everyone my age feels that way.

There are few things more satisfying than meat for a were. Our teacher took us out to a restaurant during one of our trips and I remember getting a steak. I asked for it rare and when the waitress asked if I was sure, I said "most definitely." I don't think the steak was actually cooked that amazing seeing as it was just a local chain Applebees. But they had indeed cooked it rare. The first bite I sank into, was literally, the most glorious feeling in the world. It was very bloody, and extremely satisfying in some cathartic way. I had a phantom tooth shift, then later blamed it on a tooth ache not knowing what had happened.

In college I found a website dedicated to therians. It was my first real step in looking for others like me. I think I googled something like "animal spirit inside me" and it came up. I can't remember the name of the site, but it's long since disbanded. I started off as a maned wolf. I wasn't actually 100 percent sure that it was correct, even then. But I rolled with it because I needed a jumping point. Plus there were aspects of their character that I felt I could really relate with. Physically, their long legs attracted me. I'm pretty tall in human form, and something about the length of the legs felt right. Knowing what I know now; I was attracted to the way werewolves looked. And maned wolves have that look. I just never knew it then.


I had a meditation and met a spirit guide at one point in here. He was a painted dog, who actually, I named Ahki afterwards. Just so I had something to call him by. He literally led me into the door of shamanism and through that I began to understand wereism. I've since based my logo and tattooing name as "The Painted Dog" because of his influence on my life.


Obviously I wasn't a maned wolf. I wasn't a wolf. I had met "real" wolf therians on the site. Even then I had a good feeling for who was what. Though not nearly as fine tuned as it is now.

I knew I was domesticated. And I started looking at dog breeds. I actually started with small dogs, even though my physical stature is not one of a small dog. I do believe that what we are can be seen genuinely through our physical appearance.  I had started compiling different traits as to what went where, without really knowing what was right. But the process of doing this seemed right.

I went from Italian Greyhound:


To Stabyhound


To Borzoi


To today's Shepard mix.



And that still might be wrong. Whatever I am though, I know I'm not purebred.

Five years ago I started the practice of shifting. I had my first and only dream shift to date. I had started with that because I had varying success with Astral Projection with little effort. I had awoken as a weredog. I was that dog. A large black shepard looking thing. But much larger than I should have been. I could stand on two legs, and could run on two, but I generally dropped to all fours for quick or long distance running. The dream was strange, as strange dreams usually are. But it was also very lucid. I was running through some country side and came to a town. I knew instinctively that I should be careful who sees me. I ended up walking in (as a weredog) to this play that was happening in a town theater. There were several kids near the top in seats, and immediately two saw me. At first I thought of scaring them. But when I saw how young they were, I didnt, and wagged my tail to see if they would come closer. They did, and one girl actually came up to hug me. She wrapped her arms around me, and I felt how deep she sunk into the mane of fur that I had.

One child did get scared, because she recognized me for what I was. Not a normal dog, but something other. She screamed and a man came running up the stairs to check on her. I booked it out the door. I continued to run, and now I had adrenaline coursing through me. IN my excitement, I decided, yes. I DID want to scare the humans. Because I was powerful. I could do that. I decided then, that if I had the chance to kill and eat one, I would do that as well. Though it would have to be a specific target. Not just anyone. It had to be someone who deserved to die.

I ran into town, somehow got into someone's house, and when I entered an empty room I heard people walking down the hallway towards me. I became frightened, realizing how foolish I had been to just barge in with no plan. I hid in the closet, but wouldnt you know,the girl needed her shoes. She opened the door, and found me half human, half canine, trying to hide behind hanging clothes. The screamed and I ran past her. Several men had run down the hallway and I ran past them too, complete dog form. I knew they knew what I was, and the disguise was over. I ran back out into the ruralness of wherever this was. There was an open field and I realized that the humans were behind me in an angry mob. I had been running for a long time, and started to feel drained. I knew at this rate I wouldnt be able to keep running without them finding me. Conveniently enough it had snowed, so they followed my foot prints.

Dog said play a trick. Human said to use your brain. So I climbed up a tree. Which ended up being an awesome trick and a smart human move, because they hovered under the tree where the foot steps stopped, torches lit, looking in vain for which direction I went in. While sitting in that tree, I woke up. Nothing had felt more right or vivid, and I realized why I didn't fit in with conventional werewolf packs. I was a halfbreed. But it was there.
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Imagine
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Gender : Female
Kin/Therio type : B.C. Coastal Wolf
Age : 16
Location : In a book (Get it?!)
Job/hobbies : Visual arts, food, and philosophical stuff.
Join date : 2016-07-13

PostSubject: Re: The Process of Awakening.    Tue 8 Aug 2017 - 20:10

Thank for sharing you story, Ahki! It's very interesting as well as wonderful to know more about you!

I may not be the best to share my experiences with wereism or therianthropy, considering I'm still very young, but I'm at least going to try!

Anywho, almost immediately I was attracted to animals over people when I was born. I had felt more kinship with the wild than anything else, and I believe that to be the reason.

Despite that, I was a normal kid. However, even as a very young child I was extremely quirky. I had quite a few abnormal irrational fears as well as odd behavior that many assumed I'd grow out of.

For instance, whenever I was startled I would growl. My parents thought it was funny, and coming from me at that age, it was probably hilarious! There was no thought behind me doing it, either. It was a reflex -very instinctual.

About 3 years later when I should be beyond this, I was beginning to feel out of place amongst my friends and family. I felt strange with them. I couldn't quite put it into words now, I just remember feeling that discomfort.

However, I did share a deep connection with dogs and cats. Cats because I grew up with one and felt as though I could understand them completely, and dogs because I felt as if I was one. I'm not sure how I pieced it together but I felt like I was a dog.

Of course though, this never truly surfaced nor did I pay much attention to it then.

Nearly 2 years later when I was 8, I went up north to my cousin's house in Wisconsin during the winter. While there, I had a strange dream about a wolf. In the dream, the wolf was standing in the yard of the home. I was drawn to it, and started to follow. But it began to walk away. I broke into a run and ended up tripping in the snow. As I was falling, I caught myself and began to run forward on all fours. I was faster than before and felt very liberated. Honestly, I can't recall what happened next, considering it has been so long. But since that dream I continued to feel drawn to wolves. Simply because I thought were just like dogs that I already had a connection to.

I never paid much attention to wolves as themselves and I never harbored any obsession with them.

But for some reason, I kept having strange and vivid dreams. One a reoccurring.

In that dream, I was sitting outside underneath a cabin window at night. I was staring into the forest and a huge black wolf would emerge and walk towards me. It would just sit in front. I was never sure what I should do. I was afraid in the dream, that it would leave if I got up and I would never catch up to it.

I still didn't know why I had this dream and I was so perplexed that wolves kept popping up into my head considering I had no great fascination with them. So, I began to look up dream meanings and I found that wolves meant many negative things. Thus, I figured that there was something negative in my life and continued to ignore it.

A few years later, I had the oddest series of dreams just when I thought that it was behind me.

The first was one I remember the most. I had been sent away in the dream to stay with people I didn't know. But I felt as if I knew them. They were all kids my age (about 3 others) and one boy's mother. It seemed as if we were staying with the boy and his family in their wood-side home. It was getting dark and the mother said she had forgotten something and needed to run to the grocery store. So we all walked there. While the mother was trying to find this item, she sent us kids off to shop for some extra supplies in the meantime. As we shopped in the store, the boy who was having us stay at his house suddenly ran into three other boys who knew him. They were unkind, and the kid became extremely flustered and screamed at the three kids to leave. The boys left and as soon as he did, he demanded that I go and get his mother. He seemed very distressed and I ran to look for her. When I found her, she was already with the son and she rushed him and the rest of us back to the house. When we got there, We waited at the edge of the forest and to my surprise, the boy turned into a wolf. Everyone else didn't seemed surprised at all and proceeded to turn into wolves. I began to feel very excited and then tried to turn into a dog. But, it didn't work. I didn't turn into anything. So I followed the rest of the group around as a human and struggled to keep up. Then we reached this bridge. It was very unstable but the group said that they can cross it. But as we did, it fell apart and we were thrown into the water. As soon as they could, the kids (still as wolves) easily swam off. I paddled hard but, I got nowhere. I became very frustrated and started to shout, "Why can't I turn?" The girl who was closest to me looked back and said that it was because I was a wolf. I didn't believe her thinking that I know dogs better, that I shared that kinship with them. I didn't believe her because, how could I be a wolf if I've never seen a wild one? I started to then sink in the water. Soon as I neared the bottom, I began to turn into a wolf. Automatically, I paddled to the shore without a second thought. Shortly after, the dream ended.

The second dream was just as strange and frustrating. I remember being in a dark, cluttered room. At the end of this small room was a wardrobe. On top sat a black cat with yellow eyes. Since I felt that I understood cats similar as to if I was one, I asked the cat if I could turn into a cat. It said no. I then asked if I could turn into a dog. It said no. I asked why. The cat became very frustrated with me and said, "you'll never shift like that." It jumped off the wardrobe and ran out of the room, knocking things down as it went. I tried to chase after it, but I kept stumbling. The dream ended abruptly after.

The final dream was kinder to me.

In this dream, I was walking in a park when a girl who called herself, Aimee approached myself and said that she was a wolf. I asked her how. She then turned into an off-white wolf and proceeded to walk besides me. In the dream, I asked her if I was a wolf. She said yes. I told her that I didn't understand. "How could I be a wolf?" I asked, utterly confused after all these strange dreams. She said that she didn't know why and just that I was one. Then, a man in the park saw Aimee as a wolf and became fearful. He gathered other people and began to close in on us thinking she was a dangerous animal. Aimee told me to follow her. I said that I wouldn't be able to keep up. But I started running anyways behind her. Without realizing, I had turned into a wolf.

It was after this final dream that I began to look into wolves more. I was young and hadn't heard of therianthropy so I assumed it was the one thing I did know of, which was a spirit animal.

And few months following this assumption, I met this one girl who was in my class. For some reason I wanted to be her friend a great amount. Eventually, we did. We hung out all the time and were best friends of sorts. Then one day, she told me out of the blue, that she felt a connection to wolves. This was news to me, I'll say! I told her about my experiences and she did the same.

Over the next couple of years, we remained very close friends. We both had no idea why we felt such a deep connection to these animals. We started to research it. And this was I how I discovered therianthropy.

I thought, this was the end of it, that it was simply a kinship to the wolf.

But then, when I was around 12 or so another friend of mine had come up to me during school and asked why I had yellow eyes. I told her that I don't, thinking she was joking. But she was dead serious. Since then more odd things kept happening like that. I didn't take too much notice of it until I told my close friend. She said that maybe it was related to being close to wolves spiritually.

I indulged in the idea, and began to explore what was possible. I had more vivid dreams. And sometime later, I looked it up. Of course I came across werewolves. Ironically, the thought hardly came to mind before.

I kept partially shifting. But it was all minor. Eventually, I would discover that there were others like me and people with incredulous talent. I looked at other communities and sites but for some reason, this was the one I ended up committing too. I guess it was fate.

I learned about the other people and later fully shifted! This was how I discovered wereism.


Sorry if my story's a bit long or jumbled! I have the tendency to make things very vague at times Razz
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Kurokitsune

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Kin/Therio type : Kitsune-Lorian
Location : Florida
Job/hobbies : reading, drawing, watching funny video, music, gaming, discovering new things and the truth of the world around me, helping others, uncovering/solving mysteries, dreaming, shifting
Join date : 2017-01-15

PostSubject: Re: The Process of Awakening.    Tue 8 Aug 2017 - 22:26

That was a phenomenal story to take place, both of your stories were amazing! I felt like I was with you on the experience with the dreams and all and everything you two.
I never heard the story of when you fully shifted though and want to hear about what it was like Imagine.
I don't have any good story on me...I can't even remember my past....I found out later on due to Nekoman helping me out some things here and there but I always knew or had instinct for my body..I always was in my head not just a human or even mentally a human at all and the side reason for that is where I came from the people I live with were very different...even if some were like humans and some actually were.
I came from a world where at the time there were people who could eventually change into giant foxes?.....only the older ones could be that big however what big that is I'm not sure....in fact it doesn't make as much sense to call myself a fox at all knowing how short legged they are...unfortunately I don't know my actual height but I would be as tall as an elder by now...a name given out to....I guess the older wiser shifters....we could use magic but I'll never remember what...and even had powerful artifacts or necklaces to help us change...the world I came from made it much easier to change...but it was also filled with troubles.....
The humans or some did not like some of the fox people, a group of rebels destroyed and killed a whole town worth of innocent people because they had it in their heads all fox shifters were the same and deserved to die...I don't remember all the details but....greed played a part in this terrible tragedy..money was so important that it drove people to things they should not do....those rebels attacked and everything went down hill more then it already was before...my home used to be more peaceful but with it's blood drenched history and people coming to believe things they shouldn't instead of coming together was why it did not do so well when an alien invasion took place shortly after...nearly wiping them all out.
Today it's still hard to believe but most of the planet is dead....even after all the wars and troubles countless innocent and violent men together went through they still struggle to live as they now have what seems to be dragon like beings out to get rid of what little remains alive in that world covered and buried in mostly desert.
I was told that the rebels truly believed the fox people as a whole were greedy....yet this was only a mad men with evil blood to say that....instead of thinking it was certain people who were actually bad...it still hurts and disturbs be greatly knowing someone would ever have started a rebellion that was so ignorant and bad that every single innocent child mother and father and anyone with fox ears and tail would have their lives ended over the actual corrupt men and woman using their powers and greed to hurt everyone ....to not notice the pain even the fox people went through which was poverty it is hard to believe that so many human beings could cause the end and downfall to many who need not have ever been killed in the first place...
I had survived long enough to witness an alien invasion as everything was going down hill.....saved my brother from being killed by chocking one woman to death....then tortured for it and killed shortly after. I had even been tortured by the small group with woman before and had been trying to bring them into custody after learning what had happened to my home that I had not been in the time it was taken over....truly disgusting..awful....saddening memories....
Uncomfortably even though it doesn't make sense the time before I had lived in that world and after when killed something that still confuses me and scares me deeply has been the fact that I have been kidnapped and placed here...
There was someone else who live without me...I woke up 5 years ago....their soul apparently left due to depression then I took their place....just like that...having all their memories and becoming a part of this place just like that....I never stopped thinking I didn't have a tail and had only confusion of everything around me...I never felt human and can't....so I never awoke...I simply always existed even without my memories of my past...
I haven't changed yet but have made small connections that have become steadily better over time in terms of shifting physically.


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Imagine
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Gender : Female
Kin/Therio type : B.C. Coastal Wolf
Age : 16
Location : In a book (Get it?!)
Job/hobbies : Visual arts, food, and philosophical stuff.
Join date : 2016-07-13

PostSubject: Re: The Process of Awakening.    Wed 9 Aug 2017 - 9:59

Thank you for sharing your story, Kuro! I know how hard your past has been and how much it still effects you. But it is lovely to hear about your life before the many wars and tragedies as well as your progress in shifting! Smile

And yes, I shall happily tell my shifting story, though, it really isn't all that glamorous.

Long story short, I was laying in my bed, meditating. (My grandmother is very fond of Oprah & Deepak's Meditation, so that was how I was introduced to the concept long ago) Anyways, as I was meditating -and this was about 8-7 months ago- I started to slip into a mental shift. I'm not sure why, but, I believe it was because I extremely relaxed at that time. (Honestly, I hardly notice mental shifts anymore. I feel like I'm constantly in one Razz) Soooooo, as I began to think like a wolf, something happened. It was as if I was being enveloped in emotions, all emotions, at once. It was the barrier or veil. I like to call it the Void just because I felt like I was in a void of myself. It felt as if I was spinning around with moving. I was scared but felt this jittery excitement that I can't describe in words. Then instantly, I physically couldn't feel a thing. My whole body went numb, but it was moving. I don't know how I knew this but I just kinda did. The next thing I know, I open my eyes and everything seems brighter but more minimal like there was something I couldn't see. (I believe now that it was the color red and it's variations) Anywho, I started to move and sit up, but everything was different. It felt right, but, different. There were no words in my head just feelings and emotions. Things became kind of blurred after that but I do remember becoming very exhausted and quickly. It just washed over me and I fell asleep. I woke up the next morning on the floor without clothes, surrounded by fur and hair...and some pretty uneasy cats. I raised my two cats since they were very young and they never left my side. But, for the next week or so, they avoided me at all costs. They hissed and fluffed their tails whenever I came near. (Both have irrational fears of dogs because of some trauma that happened to them long ago). Eventually, we worked it out! I mean, I am their food provider. Thus, it is mandatory love! XD

So, yeah. That's what happened. Not that exciting. Hmm...I don't believe I've shared this until now. I always meant to, but, yep. Here it is!
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Kurokitsune

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Kin/Therio type : Kitsune-Lorian
Location : Florida
Job/hobbies : reading, drawing, watching funny video, music, gaming, discovering new things and the truth of the world around me, helping others, uncovering/solving mysteries, dreaming, shifting
Join date : 2017-01-15

PostSubject: Re: The Process of Awakening.    Wed 9 Aug 2017 - 23:09

Wow Imagine! and funny story with your cats too haha XD
It's too bad you didn't have any memories of what it felt like but from what you said it sounds like you still had an amazing experience....thanks for sharing..I hope when I have my first shift I will have an amazing journey and adventure to tell. I might be able to remember it....I really want to.
I don't know where I would go though as my outside neighborhood is all about hunting and both neighbors left and right of me happen to be fond of shooting animals whether it be stray coons or squirrels. I will have to stay in my own yard or ....not go anywhere at all...I don't have a good place to run....but for the most part my room will and should be locked on any first try just in case...maybe my mentality would be different though as I'm unsure how much it changes if I were to truly shift.
Those variations of red though...that's interesting, is that a heightened sense sort of thing? or a new eye sight sort of thing? either way I have a lot to look forward to in the future.
Maybe this will be my year.
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Imagine
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Gender : Female
Kin/Therio type : B.C. Coastal Wolf
Age : 16
Location : In a book (Get it?!)
Job/hobbies : Visual arts, food, and philosophical stuff.
Join date : 2016-07-13

PostSubject: Re: The Process of Awakening.    Thu 10 Aug 2017 - 6:14

Kurokitsune wrote:
Wow Imagine! and funny story with your cats too haha XD
It's too bad you didn't have any memories of what it felt like but from what you said it sounds like you still had an amazing experience....thanks for sharing..I hope when I have my first shift I will have an amazing journey and adventure to tell. I might be able to remember it....I really want to.
I don't know where I would go though as my outside neighborhood is all about hunting and both neighbors left and right of me happen to be fond of shooting animals whether it be stray coons or squirrels. I will have to stay in my own yard or ....not go anywhere at all...I don't have a good place to run....but for the most part my room will and should be locked on any first try just in case...maybe my mentality would be different though as I'm unsure how much it changes if I were to truly shift.
Those variations of red though...that's interesting, is that a heightened sense sort of thing? or a new eye sight sort of thing? either way I have a lot to look forward to in the future.
Maybe this will be my year.

Well, I did remember my short journey, but, in emotions, sounds, smells, sights, you know? There is no way for me to really describe what happened in words through at a certain point.

Anyways, I bet you'll have an amazing journey! Hopefully not terrifying pets like myself. X')

As for the red, most of all canids are unable to see the color. It would be considered a color blindness to people. Who knows? It was only an assumption on my part as to what I felt like missing during the time.
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Kurokitsune

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Kin/Therio type : Kitsune-Lorian
Location : Florida
Job/hobbies : reading, drawing, watching funny video, music, gaming, discovering new things and the truth of the world around me, helping others, uncovering/solving mysteries, dreaming, shifting
Join date : 2017-01-15

PostSubject: Re: The Process of Awakening.    Fri 11 Aug 2017 - 0:52

I don't really have any pets in the house to worry of so I guess I'am good to go, we have one toy poodle but he's too full of hype and spunk to worry about anything or anyone. Also he loves everyone and everything.
I will try to P-shift tonight...I have been feeling the urge to shift these days...not that very day I haven't wanted to shift..but I'm feeling more prepared to do so. Wish me luck because I've never made it past the barrier yet and am unsure if I can.
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Imagine
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Gender : Female
Kin/Therio type : B.C. Coastal Wolf
Age : 16
Location : In a book (Get it?!)
Job/hobbies : Visual arts, food, and philosophical stuff.
Join date : 2016-07-13

PostSubject: Re: The Process of Awakening.    Fri 11 Aug 2017 - 5:39


I wish you all the luck in the world! Tell me how it all works out! Very Happy
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